You Are Not What You Look Like

Lies. They are everywhere. The beauty industry feeds us these lies and builds our insecurities around them. Once we have them, the beauty industry uses them to sell us so much crap we do not need. We just think we do.

If you have skin issues cover them up.
If you have frizzy hair make it less frizzy.
Unstyled hair looks sloppy.
If you have a tummy wear something to hide it or get liposuction/tummy tuck.
If you have yellow teeth get them whitened.
If you have crooked teeth get them straightened.
If you have stretch marks fade them.
If you have wrinkles reduce them.
If you have gray hair color it.
Bare nails are ugly, manicure them.
Comfortable clothes look sloppy, wear fancy shit.
The shoes make the outfit.
Accessorize!
If you have body or facial hair remove it.
If you have cellulite reduce/remove it.
Makeup will brighten your face, pale is out!
Tan is in, go to a tanning salon.
Dull hair looks bad, get highlights!
Wear a lifting bra, saggy boobs look terrible.
If your boobs are too small, get implants.
If you are fat you're gross, go to the gym.


Good news. There are a bunch of products you really need to fix yourself! Do all this and your insecurities will disappear!

concealer
anti frizz serum
curling/straightening irons
Spanx
tooth whitener
braces
stretch mark cream/laser treatments
wrinkle cream/botox
hair dye
nail polish and acrylic nails
high fashion clothing
dress shoes
jewelry/belts
waxing kits/services or laser hair removal
cellulite cream/liposuction
makeup
Self-tanners/tanning booths
salon visits for highlights
expensive bras
plastic surgery
gym membership

Look, I am sure there is much more. The point is these are not things we need. These are lies in a bottle. There is a reason the beauty industry wasn't hurting during hard financial times and a reason why the beauty industry continues to thrive. It is because we believe our worth is based on what we look like. So we try to fix our flaws in hopes that we will become more confident and less insecure. Does it work? I say no. I think it just makes our insecurities worse because once we fix one thing another thing comes up that needs fixing. It is a never ending cycle of find and fix, find and fix, repeat, repeat, repeat. But we are never happy with ourselves because we are constantly being told fix this, fix that and everything is never totally fixed. It actually causes us to notice our flaws more because the industry is feeding us so many lies daily.

Here are the beauty products you actually need for hygiene purposes.
Soap
Shampoo
Deodorant
Toothpaste/toothbrush
Hairbrush

See that short list? If we could all just simplify to use just those things and ignore the lies the beauty industry feeds us daily wouldn't we all be much happier? I think yes! The sooner we realize what we look like isn't who we are we will be better off. I have value no matter what I look like. How about you?

What do you think? Is the beauty industry causing more harm than good?  

The Story of My Life in Memes

If you like these and want to share any they can be
 found on my Maxed-Out Minivan Facebook page!

The Pros and Cons of Working at Home

For 13 years I was a SAHM. Four and a half months ago, right after my oldest son turned 13, I got a job at a local factory doing Home Assembly. It is 29 hours per week as a supplemental income. In that time I have learned a lot about the advantages and disadvantages of such an arrangement.

PROS:

• I get to make my own hours. I can work around appointments, sickness, and anything else that comes up.
• I get to have a pajama day ever day. Nothing beats working in your PJs!
• I don't have to deal with people.
• I can take whatever breaks I want/need to.
• I am here for the kids when they have days off.
• The DVR stays empty. I always have something on to at least listen to in the background while I am working.
• No commute. It is nice not to have to waste time, gas, and wear and tear on the van.
• I don't get behind on laundry. I switch things from the washer to the dryer and start a new load when I take a break.
• I don't need to pack a lunch.
• No wardrobe expense. I wear whatever I want, PJs normally, as stated above.
• I don't need to look presentable. I sometimes don't brush my hair or teeth or wear deodorant.
• I control the thermostat.

CONS:

• I get distracted by things like Facebook, house work, and phone calls.
• There is no separation between home and work-same place.
• I don't get paid breaks.
• I have to multitask when the kids are home, they want ALL THE THINGS when I decide to work.
• My house looks like a factory. My living room always has boxes and equipment everywhere.
• I don't get paid for the time I spend loading and unloading orders, picking up and dropping off orders or setting up a job to start working on it.
• I need to be organized and schedule my work or else it won't get done by the due date. If I get behind I am up all night finishing work the day before i need to return it.
• Loneliness. I get stir crazy sometimes when it's just me, myself and I all day while the kids are at school. 
• My family gets mad sometimes when they want things and I am working. They do not get that I need to work. Just because I am here does not mean I am available.
• I don't get vacation or sick days. I still need to get my hours in even if I have plans or if I am sick.
• Friends assume I can do things with them any time any day. Just because I am home, that does not mean I am available.
• I feel compelled to work ahead even if I got done with the amt of work I had planned to do that day.

As you can see, the pros and cons are about equal. If you have a paying job, do you work at home or out of the home? Which do you prefer?

Building Calluses

One day I noticed a hard rough spot on a few of my fingers. I began scratching at them and then it occurred to me that they were the start of calluses. I began working a new job doing home assembly in October for a local factory. I then realized that I must leave them alone. Imagine if I had peeled them off. I would have raw open spots. Then whenever I worked it would be painful. Every thing I did would cause me pain.

Calluses are ugly and rough. Nobody wants them. But they serve a purpose. Our bodies are smart. They build calluses to protect our tissues and prevent pain from doing repetitive tasks. A callus is defined as: a thickened and hardened part of the skin or soft tissue, especially in an area that has been subjected to friction. It makes perfect sense for our bodies to do this. Otherwise every time we worked there would be pain and we would be reluctant to continue with the work. So in order to keep doing the work we need to accomplish we build calluses.

We need to build figurative calluses also in order to survive this life. We can't be left open and raw to every encounter that occurs. We would never survive it. So we callus ourselves to certain situations we may encounter. We toughen up to certain words or situation that we know have hurt us in the past. If we leave ourselves open to it how would we ever live, short of hiding out from the world? We wouldn't. Some things we leave ourselves open to. We are raw and open and vulnerable in many, but not all, ways. We need to feel, just not ever pain. Some need to be protected against to insure survival. If we left ourselves open to all hurts it just would not work. Life would become too hard to bear and we would give up completely. The secret is figuring out where to build calluses and where to allow ourselves to feel. That is the hard part. After we have found that balance, however, life will be an easier walk and we will have much more bliss!

I used to care what everyone thought  of me and I wanted everyone to like me. I would be very hurt if someone was nasty to me or didn't like me. I callused myself to what most people thought, and decided who was important enough to care what they thought of me. I also callused myself to things my loved ones said to me during disputes, because I realize they probably don't mean it. I decided to live my values despite what other thought. This has made my life so much easier.

Where have you built up calluses and where have you left yourself open and raw? Are there areas you still need to build calluses?

Top 10 Posts of 2015

Here are the top 10 posts in 2015 in order of least to most popular!

The End of an Era

My Son Wears Pink Shoes and I Don't Care

My Struggle With Anxiety and How the SMITH
Book Inspired me to Share My Story

Minecraft Ruined My Child

How Do We Teach Kids to Stand Up For Themselves?

I Hate My Baby: A Postpartum Story

Facebook Paradoxical Identity Disorder

Cute Kidisms 6

Who Made You The Facebook Police?

Not So Tired Anymore:How Everything
 I Thought I Knew Was Destroyed

The Supporters Who Showed Up to Give Me Strength

I wrote this story as a follow up to "I Hate My Baby:A Postpartum Story" which was featured on Mamalode. This is how I survived it and turned the tables in my favor.

I breathe a huge sigh of relief as I lay my sleeping newborn down. He is finally asleep, so I figure I should try to wash last night's dishes. My husband has been doing all the cleaning,cooking, and shopping since we came home from the hospital, so it is the least I can do. I feel pretty much worthless. I begin to run the water and I have so many thoughts going through my head. I have zero energy, I have low iron, I am recovering from a broken tailbone from the delivery. To make matters worse, my child still will not nurse, and I am still not producing milk. I am a failure in every way. I feel as if I have been hit by a truck, causing an injury to which I will never recover. Will I feel this way forever. What have I done to my life? I wanted this child so much, so why do I hate him? I really do, no love in sight.

The sink is full so I shut off the water and begin washing the dishes. 5 dishes in I hear him crying. “Already?” I think. Why doesn’t this child sleep more than 30 minutes alone, but will sleep for hours in my arms. He is suffocating me. I do not move, I freeze. I cry. Just when I have no idea what to do next, the phone rings. I pick up. “How are you doing?” my sister asks. I begin to bawl louder than my baby and can not speak in any coherent way. My sister comes right over.

My sister rocks, sings to, and walks my baby around while I nap. He cries the entire time and I can’t drown out the noise. I am exhausted and frustrated. I want to make it stop. After what seems like an eternity, but what was probably a short time, I give up on my nap and go take my son from her and attempt a feeding, failing as usual. My sister hugs me, talks to me, encourages me, and supports me. She stays a few hours and makes sure I will be okay before she leaves. Over the next few weeks she visits often and calls even more frequently. I know she is there for me.

My milk finally comes in, so I have a glimmer of hope there, but still I can not get my son to nurse. I syringe feed him every feeding which I obtain by pumping. I get a visit from my public health nurse. I am agitated by the thought of a visitor because I feel like it will be a waste of time, it’s a lost cause, but she gets my son to nurse actively for the first time. She teaches me techniques and tricks and makes sure I know them before she leaves. What was supposed to be a one hour visit turns into a 3 hour one. She is a saint! We practice at every feeding, my son and I, and it gets better and better every feeding. My public health nurse calls every day for a week to be sure I am feeling confident in my abilities. I thank her and tell her we are doing fine and that I won’t need any more calls. I doubt I would ever have nursed had it not been for her help.

My husband is my rock throughout these early weeks. He expects nothing from me, except for me to get back to my old self, if that is even a possibility. While I heal he takes over everything. When he is home my husband does all the baby care unless he needs to nurse. I spend all of my days on the couch with my son, and my nights in my bed. I am really starting to feel my energy returning. I am stronger every day! When I look at my son now, I feel pure unadulterated love, which I never thought possible.

Two weeks have passed. I look back and wonder how I survived. Things look so much brighter. My baby is thriving and I am healing. There is light at the end of this tunnel. I am going to come out on the other side, I just know it!

My supporters-sister, husband and nurse, held me together and gave me the strength to get through it all. I persevered because of them. I made it. Time passed, I healed, my boy grew, and grew and grew. He is now almost thirteen and was joined by 4 siblings over the next 6 years following his birth. Motherhood is the greatest, hardest blessing of my life!

Did you have a great support system when you brought home your first child? How did it change your life?

Who is That Lady with the Baby and the Teenager?

As I look around when I go to public places, I realize there are many parents who have both teenagers and babies and I wonder why they would choose this. Now that my kids are older I think it would be quite impossible to drag a baby around to all these places teenagers need to go. Of course I probably only think this because I had all five of my kids before my oldest one even went to Kindergarten. I didn't need to go anywhere pressing. I only needed to go places I wanted to, on my own schedule.

With older kids, the schedule is jammed with places they need to go. They have responsibilities that can't just be skipped like school or sports. Add homework to that and there is no time left in a day. This leaves me questioning how parents on both teens and tots have any time to even care for the baby outside of school hours.

How do they enjoy watching sports or concerts the teens are in when they need to constantly tend to a baby?

How does the baby ever get enough sleep?

How do the parents ever get any sleep?

When does the baby get fed or changed after school ends?

What about free play?

It seems baby would just be trapped in a car seat from 3-9 nightly running from place to place.

I am so busy without a baby in tow I don't even see how it would even be a possibility.

I am sure there are benefits to this spacing of children, such as a built in babysitter and another person that can teach baby all he needs to know. Other than that, I just think it would be complete chaos.

By the time you get used to not changing diapers, losing sleep or spoon feeding someone, you need to do it all over again.

With closely spaced children this is not an issue. You always continuously have diapers, baby food, and loss of sleep for years and years with no break in between so it is just a way of life. We had children in diapers (up to 3 at a time) for 9 1/2 years straight and it was just normal to us. I was pregnant or nursing (or both!) for 8 1/2 years straight. We still have car seats and always have for 13 years. In less than a year we will be done with them. I would hate to be done and then just start these practices all over again.

Because my experience is so different, I just want to know, how do parents on teens and tots do it?

So, do you have a teen and a tot? If so what is your secret?