Motherhood:What it Means to Me

Motherhood is painful, scary, and unpredictable.

Motherhood is body changing, life giving, and life altering.

Motherhood is little hands, little feet, and big hearts.

Motherhood is late nights and early mornings.

Motherhood is cuddles, kisses, and hugs.

Motherhood is soft, comforting, and precious.

Motherhood is creating, discovering, and exploring.

Motherhood is anger, yelling, and apologies.

Motherhood is compassion, support, and forgiveness.

Motherhood is hellos, goodbyes, coming, and going.

Motherhood is joyful, peaceful, and graceful.

Motherhood is school programs, football games, and dance recitals.

Motherhood is powerful, all encompassing, and soul searching.

Motherhood is overwhelming, disappointing, and bewildering.

Motherhood is tickles, laughter, and rosy cheeks.

Motherhood is hard, confusing, and frustrating.

Motherhood is wonderful, exhilarating, and fulfilling.

Motherhood is tiring, thankless, and heartbreaking.

Motherhood is holding on and letting go.

Motherhood is lonely, sacrifice, and expensive.

Motherhood is giggles, smiles, and games.

Motherhood is dance parties, picnics, and trips.

Motherhood is busy, crazy, and scheduled.

Motherhood is goofy, silly, and sweet.

Motherhood is beautiful, important, and magical.

Motherhood is emotional, brutal, and  frightening.

Motherhood is messy, irritating, and cluttered.

Motherhood is forts, movies, and talks.

Motherhood is everything, indescribable, and priceless.

Motherhood is love!

Motherless on Mother's Day

The past few weeks I have not been doing well. I just started feeling out of sorts. I was angry and/or sad very often and could not figure out why. I felt irritated much of the time. Then I saw a Mother's Day post and it dawned on me. That was what was upsetting me. I am about to celebrate my first Mother's Day without a mom. She left this earth shortly after last Mother's Day.

Every time I see a Mother's day commercial or Facebook post I get angry and it all seems so unfair. I don't want to do Mother's Day without my mom here. Why does everyone else have a mom except me? Obviously, that is not the truth, but it sure feels that way. I get angry when I see very old ladies. Why do they still get to be alive but not my mama?

I told my friend about my feeling about this and she acted like I was being selfish. Maybe I am. Isn't it okay to be selfish every now and then? I told her I would like to just skip Sunday altogether. I want to go to bed Saturday and wake up Monday and just skip it.

I realize that I am a mom and my kids want to celebrate me, but I just don't know how I am going to do it. I have seen them sneaking off to their rooms to make me gifts. My daughter has a weekly schedule written on the whiteboard. For Saturday it says: Making and buying gifts for mama. I feel like crying whenever I look at it for two reasons: because it makes me sad I don't have my mom, and from guilt over not being happy and joy filled reading how much my kids love me in those words. They have asked me what I want for a gift. I tell them I want my mom. They are dumbfounded because that is just something they can not deliver. They talk excitedly about the day we will have. I am worried. I want to be happy and enjoy my kids and the joy and happiness they feel over it. I just don't know if I can. I am not sure I can paste on a smile and be happy for their sakes. Furthermore, I don't really want to. I want to lay in my bed and cry for my own mama. I know that would be the wrong approach.

I am stuck. I love my kids but I really miss my mom!

Are you facing your first Mother's Day without your mama? How are you planning to cope? 

You Are Not What You Look Like

Lies. They are everywhere. The beauty industry feeds us these lies and builds our insecurities around them. Once we have them, the beauty industry uses them to sell us so much crap we do not need. We just think we do.

If you have skin issues cover them up.
If you have frizzy hair make it less frizzy.
Unstyled hair looks sloppy.
If you have a tummy wear something to hide it or get liposuction/tummy tuck.
If you have yellow teeth get them whitened.
If you have crooked teeth get them straightened.
If you have stretch marks fade them.
If you have wrinkles reduce them.
If you have gray hair color it.
Bare nails are ugly, manicure them.
Comfortable clothes look sloppy, wear fancy shit.
The shoes make the outfit.
Accessorize!
If you have body or facial hair remove it.
If you have cellulite reduce/remove it.
Makeup will brighten your face, pale is out!
Tan is in, go to a tanning salon.
Dull hair looks bad, get highlights!
Wear a lifting bra, saggy boobs look terrible.
If your boobs are too small, get implants.
If you are fat you're gross, go to the gym.


Good news. There are a bunch of products you really need to fix yourself! Do all this and your insecurities will disappear!

concealer
anti frizz serum
curling/straightening irons
Spanx
tooth whitener
braces
stretch mark cream/laser treatments
wrinkle cream/botox
hair dye
nail polish and acrylic nails
high fashion clothing
dress shoes
jewelry/belts
waxing kits/services or laser hair removal
cellulite cream/liposuction
makeup
Self-tanners/tanning booths
salon visits for highlights
expensive bras
plastic surgery
gym membership

Look, I am sure there is much more. The point is these are not things we need. These are lies in a bottle. There is a reason the beauty industry wasn't hurting during hard financial times and a reason why the beauty industry continues to thrive. It is because we believe our worth is based on what we look like. So we try to fix our flaws in hopes that we will become more confident and less insecure. Does it work? I say no. I think it just makes our insecurities worse because once we fix one thing another thing comes up that needs fixing. It is a never ending cycle of find and fix, find and fix, repeat, repeat, repeat. But we are never happy with ourselves because we are constantly being told fix this, fix that and everything is never totally fixed. It actually causes us to notice our flaws more because the industry is feeding us so many lies daily.

Here are the beauty products you actually need for hygiene purposes.
Soap
Shampoo
Deodorant
Toothpaste/toothbrush
Hairbrush

See that short list? If we could all just simplify to use just those things and ignore the lies the beauty industry feeds us daily wouldn't we all be much happier? I think yes! The sooner we realize what we look like isn't who we are we will be better off. I have value no matter what I look like. How about you?

What do you think? Is the beauty industry causing more harm than good?  

The Story of My Life in Memes

If you like these and want to share any they can be
 found on my Maxed-Out Minivan Facebook page!

The Pros and Cons of Working at Home

For 13 years I was a SAHM. Four and a half months ago, right after my oldest son turned 13, I got a job at a local factory doing Home Assembly. It is 29 hours per week as a supplemental income. In that time I have learned a lot about the advantages and disadvantages of such an arrangement.

PROS:

• I get to make my own hours. I can work around appointments, sickness, and anything else that comes up.
• I get to have a pajama day ever day. Nothing beats working in your PJs!
• I don't have to deal with people.
• I can take whatever breaks I want/need to.
• I am here for the kids when they have days off.
• The DVR stays empty. I always have something on to at least listen to in the background while I am working.
• No commute. It is nice not to have to waste time, gas, and wear and tear on the van.
• I don't get behind on laundry. I switch things from the washer to the dryer and start a new load when I take a break.
• I don't need to pack a lunch.
• No wardrobe expense. I wear whatever I want, PJs normally, as stated above.
• I don't need to look presentable. I sometimes don't brush my hair or teeth or wear deodorant.
• I control the thermostat.

CONS:

• I get distracted by things like Facebook, house work, and phone calls.
• There is no separation between home and work-same place.
• I don't get paid breaks.
• I have to multitask when the kids are home, they want ALL THE THINGS when I decide to work.
• My house looks like a factory. My living room always has boxes and equipment everywhere.
• I don't get paid for the time I spend loading and unloading orders, picking up and dropping off orders or setting up a job to start working on it.
• I need to be organized and schedule my work or else it won't get done by the due date. If I get behind I am up all night finishing work the day before i need to return it.
• Loneliness. I get stir crazy sometimes when it's just me, myself and I all day while the kids are at school. 
• My family gets mad sometimes when they want things and I am working. They do not get that I need to work. Just because I am here does not mean I am available.
• I don't get vacation or sick days. I still need to get my hours in even if I have plans or if I am sick.
• Friends assume I can do things with them any time any day. Just because I am home, that does not mean I am available.
• I feel compelled to work ahead even if I got done with the amt of work I had planned to do that day.

As you can see, the pros and cons are about equal. If you have a paying job, do you work at home or out of the home? Which do you prefer?

Building Calluses

One day I noticed a hard rough spot on a few of my fingers. I began scratching at them and then it occurred to me that they were the start of calluses. I began working a new job doing home assembly in October for a local factory. I then realized that I must leave them alone. Imagine if I had peeled them off. I would have raw open spots. Then whenever I worked it would be painful. Every thing I did would cause me pain.

Calluses are ugly and rough. Nobody wants them. But they serve a purpose. Our bodies are smart. They build calluses to protect our tissues and prevent pain from doing repetitive tasks. A callus is defined as: a thickened and hardened part of the skin or soft tissue, especially in an area that has been subjected to friction. It makes perfect sense for our bodies to do this. Otherwise every time we worked there would be pain and we would be reluctant to continue with the work. So in order to keep doing the work we need to accomplish we build calluses.

We need to build figurative calluses also in order to survive this life. We can't be left open and raw to every encounter that occurs. We would never survive it. So we callus ourselves to certain situations we may encounter. We toughen up to certain words or situation that we know have hurt us in the past. If we leave ourselves open to it how would we ever live, short of hiding out from the world? We wouldn't. Some things we leave ourselves open to. We are raw and open and vulnerable in many, but not all, ways. We need to feel, just not ever pain. Some need to be protected against to insure survival. If we left ourselves open to all hurts it just would not work. Life would become too hard to bear and we would give up completely. The secret is figuring out where to build calluses and where to allow ourselves to feel. That is the hard part. After we have found that balance, however, life will be an easier walk and we will have much more bliss!

I used to care what everyone thought  of me and I wanted everyone to like me. I would be very hurt if someone was nasty to me or didn't like me. I callused myself to what most people thought, and decided who was important enough to care what they thought of me. I also callused myself to things my loved ones said to me during disputes, because I realize they probably don't mean it. I decided to live my values despite what other thought. This has made my life so much easier.

Where have you built up calluses and where have you left yourself open and raw? Are there areas you still need to build calluses?

Top 10 Posts of 2015

Here are the top 10 posts in 2015 in order of least to most popular!

The End of an Era

My Son Wears Pink Shoes and I Don't Care

My Struggle With Anxiety and How the SMITH
Book Inspired me to Share My Story

Minecraft Ruined My Child

How Do We Teach Kids to Stand Up For Themselves?

I Hate My Baby: A Postpartum Story

Facebook Paradoxical Identity Disorder

Cute Kidisms 6

Who Made You The Facebook Police?

Not So Tired Anymore:How Everything
 I Thought I Knew Was Destroyed