Tuesday, June 30, 2015

How to Be a Piece of Shit in 10 Easy Steps!

Do you ever meet someone who is such a piece of shit you wonder if they are trying to be one on purpose? I have met a few in my time and the behaviors I observed made me realize if someone aspired to be a piece of shit they totally could if they exhibited certain qualities. If that is your goal, follow these simple steps and you too could be a piece of shit, and make it look easy!

1. Be condescending. Talk down to people, at every opportunity, especially those that have much more life experience than you do.

2. Be egotistical. Make sure everyone knows you are better than them.

3. Be entitled. Take and do whatever you want because after all, you deserve more and better than everyone else on earth.

4. Pretend you know everything. Talk as if you know everything about everything at all times. If you don't, pretend you do.

5. Send someone else to fight your battles. Don't face your problems. Instead, find an equally horrible piece of shit to fight them for you.

6. Be spoiled. Throw a little baby tantrum anytime something doesn't go the way you want until you get your way.

7. Be selfish. Do not under any circumstance, consider the feelings of others. Put yourself first at all times, no matter what.

8. Never admit fault. When you make a mistake, do not, under any circumstances, own up to it. Instead, find an explanation why it is someone else's fault.

9. Fuck someone over. If the opportunity arises to fuck someone over, take that chance. If they are a friend, that would be best. Do it just for fun, because you can.

10. Be generally douchey. Throughout all of life, just be as douchey as possible to everyone that crosses your path!

                                                     To all the pieces of shit out there!

See how easy it is to be a piece of shit? If you want to join the club, follow these steps. If you do not want to be one, do the opposite. If you are one, and that is what you are aiming for, congrats! If you just now realized you are one, and do not want to be, knock this shit off! If you know any pieces of shit, run far far away from these people, and stay away, unless of course, you are also one. Then stay as close to these people as possible. They will help get your farther in your quest to be the shittiest piece of shit there is!

Do you have a piece of shit in your life? How's that workin' for ya?

*disclaimer: Any resemblance to any piece of shit in your life is purely coincidental!

Monday, June 29, 2015

The End of an Era

Do you have someone in your life that is so special and impressive that you feel blessed to know them? Well I do! My adorable little sister! She is the epitome of cool on sooooo many levels! She is creative, talented at writing and music, intelligent, strong and perseverant in all areas of life. She has been through so very much and yet she keeps on giving it her very best. She inspires me to be a better person.

She has struggled with mental health issues since her teens but has overcome and learned how to control, treat, and accept them as much as can be expected. Then about 4 years ago she was diagnosed with severe and aggressive Psoriatic Arthritis (PsA). (you can read about that here)

About a year ago she made her debut in a new band. She was in a few other bands before in her 20's. This time she felt it was her last chance since her body was rapidly breaking down. She decided to jump in and give it her all, no matter how long it lasted. Sadly, last night was her last full show with the full band.  Her body will not allow her to perform to her own standard anymore without causing her a lot of pain and suffering. She will however be performing with some of the band on July fourth, and she also hosts a weekly open mic night close to her home, so (thankfully) we haven't heard the last of this awesome rocker chic!

As I stood with my stepdad (the only parent I have left) last night, watching in awe as she performed in all her glory, he looked at me, all serious like, and said "yep, it's the end of an era." To us it really is, because the world needs my sisters shining light and her music that moves you to tears. You can feel the music in your soul when she sings. Anyone that had seen her perform will tell you the same. She is something truly special, a gift to the world.

My amazing beautiful talented sister!
I wonder, if this is hard for us, how hard must it be for her? She prepared for her final show, her, swan song, if you will. She had planned to open and close the show with herself on vocals. All the band members were in agreement about this. It was her last show after all. then somebody went and shit all over that idea.

It started to sprinkle, a little rain was coming onto the deck of the covered gazebo where the stage was, and this little douchey egotistical asshole college kid in the band got all scared of a few rain drops, so they decided they would do a couple more songs and see what happened. My sister communicated to them what she wanted to do at that point (her songs) in case they had to quit playing. Then this little dick ignored her and played a different song then stopped the show. Done- finito! It wasn't even raining at this point, in fact it was done raining. Show stopped for absolutely no reason! He was fired. That doesn't change anything and make the show happen the way my sister wanted it to. He couldn't just let her have it. He just screwed her on purpose just for fun. I am hoping one day he gets his!

I know this didn't end the way my sister wanted, but she is strong, she will persevere, as always, and she is so creative, I just know she will find something that fulfills her. Hell, she may even finish writing and publish that book she has been working on! I can't hardly wait to see what she takes on next. Watch out world, here she comes!

                                                   This song describes her perfectly!

Who inspires you to be a better person?

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

10 Cute Kidisms 2

Kids often mispronounce or misuse words. I promised you a part two so here it is! Read part one here and if you want to be included in the next one don't forget to comment! ENJOY!

Aren't kids just the best therapy- when they aren't causing you to need it from a professional, that is!

What Cute Kidisms do your kids say? 

10 Cute Kidisms

Over the years my kids and other kids I know have said some pretty funny things mispronouncing or misusing words. The silly things they say are one of the most rewarding parts of motherhood for me. It totally makes it worth it by bringing some comedy relief. These are just a few.

Tell me one of your kids cute kidisms!

Monday, June 22, 2015

It's Official, Summer's Here!!!!

June 21st is the official start of summer. My kids have been out of school for 3 weeks already, but we still have 10 weeks left before they go back to school to enjoy the summer. There are many reasons summer may be hard to deal with, like being surrounded by children all day, but there are so many more reasons that make summer better than any other time of year.

  • No Homework. I hated worrying about finding time to get it all done.
  • Lazy schedule. We did schedule some things, but if we skip any of them, no biggie. Not like schedules during the school year, where you can't just skip school or activities because you feel like it.
  • Parties. We have a lot of things planned where we will get to enjoy being with friends and family.
  • Outdoor fun. Being from Minnesota, we get about 6 months a year where we can be outside for more than a couple hours a day, and in the dead of winter sometimes we can not be out at all. We start to get cabin fever. Mt favorite part is, if the kids start driving me crazy I can kick them outside.
  • Vacation. My husband and I already took our alone trip, and in August we are taking all the kids on a trip.
  • Parades and county fairs. These are the things that scream summer to me. I can smell the mini donuts already.
  • Sleeping in. I am lucky to have kids who sleep in. Most of summer we all sleep in, unless we have something early scheduled, which are few and far between. I sleep until 10 or 11 most days. (Please don't hate me)
  • Easy summer foods. Salads, sandwiches, grilled foods and fruit all make for easy lunches and dinners.
  • Backyard fires. can you say S'mores?
  • Water fun. Swimming, sprinklers, water balloons, and water guns make for great fun on a hot day.
  • Summer birthdays. Four of my kids have summer birthdays and so do I. The twins birthday and mine are on the same day which makes for a huge celebration! Birthdays are always used as a good excuse to do something fun that is out of the ordinary.
  • Picnics. I love being able to pack a lunch and eat outside whenever we go on day trips in the summer. We do drive thru fast food way too often when we are running around during the school year. Picnics are more nutritious, save money, and also makes good memories.
  • Late dinners. We don't need to rush to get dinner cooked, eaten, and cleaned up so we can get to whatever activity we have going on in the evening like we do during the school year. If the kids are playing outside and not hungry I don't worry about that. I just have something ready around 7, and when enough people come tell me they are hungry, we eat. As a bonus to this, my husband usually gets to eat with us too. During school, he usually isn't home when we eat.
  • More lax about chores. I don't worry so mush about keeping the place clean or laundry done because nothing is going to happen if the kids look like ragamuffins all day at home.
  • Pyjama day. Many days we all stay in our pyjamas just for fun.
  • Less baths. Once per week in the summer for kids because why? It's not like anyone is going to see them.
  • More lax about bedtime. What happens if they stay up until midnight? Not a damn thing. They will probably just sleep later.
  • More reading time for me. Less running around means more time to relax.
  • Special time with the kids. During school every evening is so ruched it just feels like we are going through the motions of everything we need to get done, and I have very many days when nothing felt "quality" about any of the time I spent with them. It went more like nag nag nag nag nag nag nag.
  • No paperwork! During school there is an endless supply of forms to fill out and bring back, backpacks to go through, and papers to look at. 
  • Play clothes all the time. No worrying about getting stains, rips, or spills on their good clothes. Plus no jackets or real shoes required. We live in flip flops all summer long!
Now, I am willing to bet that 10 weeks from now I will have a similar list of all the ways school is better than summer, but for now this summer is looking to be a pretty amazing time! 

What's your favorite thing about summer?

Sunday, June 14, 2015

Crap I Learned from a Kid Free Vacation

June 4th-8th my husband and I took a kid free trip. I am not going to tell you about all the AMAZING shit we did, or post a crap load of Vacation pics. Instead I am going to tell you about all the random crap I learned while I was away from my kids and society as I know it, and out in nature.

  • 3.5 miles is far when you are hiking. So is 9 miles. We hiked 3.5 miles and back one day, all uphill on the way there. We hikes 9 miles another day.
3.5 miles up 1000 ft and back down!
9 mile loops 

  • Don't wear perfume while hiking... unless you want bees for friends.
  • Having zero kids nagging you is relaxing no matter what you choose to do. I didn't even miss them (that much)!
  • Hot tubbing in the rain with a view of lake superior is a life changing experience. Even when it is crowded with a bunch of overweight people!
  • Fish Tacos taste good. I mean actual fish tacos here, so get your mind out of the gutter perverts! I used to avoid them just so I wouldn't have to order them! I did not know what I was missing! I now have lived.
  • Almost no one has cucumber vodka. I found it at a place for the second time ever. Heaven is the only way to describe it.
  • Hiking trails should have out houses.  I peed outside more times than I care to admit. Damn post childbirth bladder!
  • Stupid TV and a 1030 bedtime is bliss. I watched a lot of things I never heard of and actually enjoyed myself.
  • I don't care about internet as much as I thought.  My phone had zero bars the majority of our trip. I only used WiFi at night and did not even miss Facebook (that much) during the day. Turns out, I am only on so much IRL because my life is so boring. Who would have guessed?
I did pray for WiFi at the hotel though
  • Fresh air makes you tired. Its not just something dumb your grandma says after all! 
  • Sweat makes my hair nice. I skipped washing it for 3 days after hiking because it just looked fab! Who knew?
  • I am not as out of shape as I thought. The day after our 9 mile hike I was only a little sore and the day after our 7 mile hike almost non existent soreness.
  • I would be buff if I could hike that much every other day all summer. Too bad there is no local hiking trails here.
  • Exercise causes better digestion. I was regular this whole trip! Very uncommon for me. Amazing!
  • Hotel lobby coffee is just as good as gourmet...as long as you add a shitload of sugar and flavored creamer.
  • I am AWESOME at choosing restaurants, hotels, and hiking trails. Not to brag or anything. OK...you got me, yes I am bragging.
  • This window is evil! Who thinks of this stuff anyway? I got woken up from this shit at dawns early light each morning. Good thing we were only at this resort 2 nights!

That's about it. What did you learn on vacation?