Tuesday, June 30, 2015

How to Be a Piece of Shit in 10 Easy Steps!

Do you ever meet someone who is such a piece of shit you wonder if they are trying to be one on purpose? I have met a few in my time and the behaviors I observed made me realize if someone aspired to be a piece of shit they totally could if they exhibited certain qualities. If that is your goal, follow these simple steps and you too could be a piece of shit, and make it look easy!

1. Be condescending. Talk down to people, at every opportunity, especially those that have much more life experience than you do.

2. Be egotistical. Make sure everyone knows you are better than them.

3. Be entitled. Take and do whatever you want because after all, you deserve more and better than everyone else on earth.

4. Pretend you know everything. Talk as if you know everything about everything at all times. If you don't, pretend you do.

5. Send someone else to fight your battles. Don't face your problems. Instead, find an equally horrible piece of shit to fight them for you.

6. Be spoiled. Throw a little baby tantrum anytime something doesn't go the way you want until you get your way.

7. Be selfish. Do not under any circumstance, consider the feelings of others. Put yourself first at all times, no matter what.

8. Never admit fault. When you make a mistake, do not, under any circumstances, own up to it. Instead, find an explanation why it is someone else's fault.

9. Fuck someone over. If the opportunity arises to fuck someone over, take that chance. If they are a friend, that would be best. Do it just for fun, because you can.

10. Be generally douchey. Throughout all of life, just be as douchey as possible to everyone that crosses your path!

                                                     To all the pieces of shit out there!

See how easy it is to be a piece of shit? If you want to join the club, follow these steps. If you do not want to be one, do the opposite. If you are one, and that is what you are aiming for, congrats! If you just now realized you are one, and do not want to be, knock this shit off! If you know any pieces of shit, run far far away from these people, and stay away, unless of course, you are also one. Then stay as close to these people as possible. They will help get your farther in your quest to be the shittiest piece of shit there is!

Do you have a piece of shit in your life? How's that workin' for ya?

*disclaimer: Any resemblance to any piece of shit in your life is purely coincidental!