The Healing Process - Good News/Bad News

A guest post by an anonymous writer, which will be an ongoing series.

Please join us on her journey!

This week was filled with good news and bad news. It is bittersweet and so difficult to focus on the good news when bad comes along with it, but I am learning. I realized today, from a comment from a friend to me, that this is NOT the most difficult thing I have been through in my life, nor will it be the worst, likely. This in itself is both good and bad news! It is pretty laughable that a thing that would be the worst for many people is not the worst to me. I was also called strong. I am not strong or brave. I have just accepted that this is life. And if I am honest I have probably stopped caring and become hardened to some extent. A difficult life can do that.

Good News 

This week on Wednesday I went to my doctor appointment (3 weeks post surgery). I was given the go-ahead to quit my antibiotics because the redness I was experiencing had subsided. The other good news is I have 100% mobility, which is amazing! This is not without pain/stretching. I need to continue exercises 2-3 times a day for 4-6 mos, but I am told that the stretching feeling will subside over time if I stick to the exercises.

Bad News

My sister left on Monday, which has been a challenge, trying to suddenly go back to doing everything I always did. It was a pretty easy week, thankfully, but overwhelming to get back to a routine I did not have to do for over two weeks. 
I had one whole day of no medications and then the reaction I was having earlier (at 2 weeks) returned! Thursday my left side was all pink again, worse than the first time. I called the doctor and he said to restart refills of prednisone and both antibiotics. This was very discouraging. 

I have what is called Red Breast Syndrome (RBS), a recently identified clinical entity characterized by non-infectious erythema associated with the use of acellular dermal matrix (ADM) after post-mastectomy reconstruction. ADM (AlloDerm®) is created from donated human skin. A process removes all of the immune cells from the donated skin while retaining all of the important biochemical and structural components. This is supposed to prevent rejection of the material, which is more common with other materials used for reconstruction.

I immediately became discouraged and began to regret my decision to do the left side (the unaffected side). If I knew that this reaction would resolve, this would be another story. I do not know that so am concerned about what happens if it doesn't. I have been encouraged by my nurse sister, my doctor and a nurse practitioner friend that it usually does resolve, so I hope that this the case. Otherwise, we are back to square one with reconstruction plans. This is also probably delaying the completion of reconstruction because of waiting for this to clear up.

In the short term, this is upsetting because I was planning to feel good this week for my kids' spring break. I was hoping to do fun things and now I am going to feel sick from medications the entire time instead. Additionally, my husband will be gone Tuesday-Thursday, which means I will literally be handling things alone for those days. 

Overall, I am thankful that I am doing better than I ever expected at three weeks. I just didn't see this coming. I sent an update to my friend yesterday and she suggested Psalm 46. I have just begun to pray the Psalms so this was appropriate.

1 God is our refuge and strength, a helper who is always found in times of trouble.
2 Therefore we will not be afraid, though the earth trembles and the mountains topple into the depths of the seas,
3 though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with its turmoil. Selah
4 [There is] a river- its streams delight the city of God, the holy dwelling place of the Most High.
5 God is within her; she will not be toppled. God will help her when the morning dawns.
6 Nations rage, kingdoms topple; the earth melts when He lifts His voice.
7 The Lord of Hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah
8Come, see the works of the Lord, who brings devastation on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease throughout the earth. He shatters bows and cuts spears to pieces; He burns up the chariots.
10 "Stop [your fighting]-and know that I am God, exalted among the nations, exalted on the earth."
11 The Lord of Hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah

I am sure we all have heard "Be Still and Know that I am God". In this translation, it says "Stop your fighting and know that I am God". I read this as stop fighting against my life circumstances, or even God's will itself, and feeling discouraged. God knows what he is doing.

This blog provides more insight into Ps 46, including more on the translation of Ps 46:10.
How Do We Rest in God?

This song is a great reminder that my help comes from the Lord and expresses many of the themes of Ps 46: Helper, Rest, Rescue 

Read Other Posts in this series:
Maxed Out Minivan
To start at part one go here:
Part 1: Stage Zero What?

The Healing Process - The First Two Weeks

A guest post by an anonymous writer, which will be an ongoing series. 
Please join us on her journey!

Tomorrow will mark two weeks since my surgery and I am happy to say, healing has been going extremely well. It has not been without its challenges and bumps, but I have been blessed to have a lot of support from family and friends.

Feb 28-March 4 were my hardest days. I had a lot of pain and was extremely tired. The bandages and drains bothered me immensely.  These days I was grateful for my husband who brought me meals and let me rest, as well as 6 friends who came to visit or took my kids for some respite.

March 5-11 I went off the prescription pain meds, thankfully, and continued to make progress with pain and mobility. One of my sisters was here to help. She is also a nurse so she knew to tell me to rest and gave advice as I needed it regarding everything under the sun regarding healing! She did all of the laundry, dishes and child care and meals were provided by friends through a meal train. I was out of bed most of the day most days and rested in the afternoon and at night. I was able to spend time with my family without overdoing it and for that, I am eternally grateful!

March 6 I had two of my four drains removed and my bandages/tape removed. That was such a relief!  I was also told that I will most likely get to complete reconstruction in about a month instead of 3-4! After my appointment, I was able to take a shower, just 6 days after surgery.  Keeping the drains dry was a challenge, and quite comical (wrapped in saran wrap)! I even washed my own hair, something I did not think I would be able to do for a few more weeks.

March 10 I went to the zoo with my kids, husband, and sister. I think the fresh air and walking around did me a lot of good.

March 11 Another sister arrived and the three of us went to lunch and a movie while my husband watched the kids! Sister time was good for me too. My first sister left in the evening and my other sister stayed. She, too, is doing almost all of the "work" for my kids and my home!

I am honestly probably mobile enough (though very tired and still shouldn't be doing heavy lifting) that I could have done this week without my sister if I had to. However, her being here is helping me heal all the faster and I am still getting meals which is making it easier on all of us.

Today (March 13) I went to see my surgical oncologist, plastic/reconstructive surgeon, and the physical therapist. 

My first doctor reported that the pathology report is clear, which means a minuscule risk of recurrence of around 2-3%. Recurrence after mastectomy is not common, though it can happen given around 5-10% of breast tissue remains, especially with skin and nipple sparing mastectomy.  

For my visit with the plastic surgeon, I had the steri strips and the remaining two drains removed which was so awesome, considering they can be in for up to 4 weeks, which I was expecting. The doctors are all very impressed with my healing. 

I was given exercises to do three times a day starting in a couple of days (once drain sites are healed), and am expected to have full mobility in about 2 weeks.

Here is the challenge now: I have a possible complication which requires (as a precaution mostly) 5 days of a steroid (3x a day) and another antibiotic (2x a day) for 10 days (on top of the 3x daily one I am taking already and have been since my surgery). I was also given instruction for the scar healing under my arms. This requires 2x daily massage with Mederma and silicone bandages. 

So, I need to figure out how, on top of taking care of 3 kids, to take 3 different medications on a schedule which won't upset my stomach (with food), do 3x daily exercise and 2x daily scar care. It seems daunting, especially since I am not a schedule person! I find it difficult to even find time to eat in my "regular" life let alone all of this. And in 6 days I will no longer have help with my kids. Additionally, my son asked to nurse again tonight, since the drains are gone. He thinks I am all better and will have milk again. Heartbreaking!

I haven't been very positive today. I have been more annoyed than anything. This doesn't undo the gratefulness I feel or the many blessing I know that I have in the midst of this. It is not an either/or situation but a both/and one (BOTH annoyed AND grateful simultaneously). I'm so glad I am not doing this alone. I might be a mess. 

And even when my sisters leave, I am still not alone! I am never alone!

Read previous posts in this series:
Maxed Out Minivan
To start at part one go here:
Part 1: Stage Zero What?

Post-Surgery: Let the Healing Begin!

A guest post by an anonymous writer, which will be an ongoing series.
Please join us on her journey!

Let's get real here for a moment. Having a mastectomy with reconstruction is nothing like getting cosmetic breast augmentation! I promise you no one would go through this voluntarily except maybe for preventive care because they have a genetic predisposition to breast cancer. It is a long and difficult process. This first surgery has done a number on me! 

Yesterday was a pretty horrible day! It was very difficult physically and emotionally. I went through so many emotions - anxiety, fear, anger, calm, peace, joy, fatigue, etc. What an experience! After the surgery I was mumbling, incoherent, and my throat hurt very bad from the endotracheal tube that was in during the surgery. I had such extreme fatigue that I was falling asleep while playing tic-tac-toe with my kids!

Today I feel even worse! I feel dizzy, itchy and am seeing double on and off. My whole trunk feels like it's on fire. I have pain all the way from armpit to armpit and down each of my sides armpit to waist, even though I am on pain meds. My throat still hurts from the endotracheal tube. Additionally, I am also coughing up phlegm from it. If I hear one more person say "it's normal" I don't know what I will do! Additionally, the drains are so gross!

Surgery day:

5:30 Made tea, folded laundry. I felt sick, anxious and sad

6:00 Woke up kids, nursed my son, made breakfast, packed lunches

6:45 Left for the hospital (kids came). It took us an hour to get a there and my daughter was almost late for school 

7:45 Talked to my sister on the phone, cried in the bathroom then checked in

8:15 Went to the surgery waiting area, labs, nurses 

9:00 Sentinal Node injection 

10:00 Back to the room, finished getting ready for surgery, met the nurse, saw doctors

11:00 surgery 

3:00 Woke up in recovery. 

The waiting was the hardest part. Too much time to think! At around 10, my doctors came in to talk to me. My plastic surgeon was way too happy! And he was wearing what looked like a 70's style tracksuit! He told me "you are going to look awesome". Then I got undressed, had an IV started and did some more waiting. The first anesthesia was turned on and I remember being wheeled down the halls and into the OR.  I do not remember them having me count backward and the next thing I knew I was in recovery.  

Although much of my hospital stay was terrible, it was also filled with many blessings! 

• Many people called or texted before the surgery to see how I was.  Many people were praying.
• The anesthesia worked so well that I did not have enough time to worry and my time under felt like two minutes. I thought I was still waiting for surgery when I woke up.
• No cancer cells were found in lymph nodes or on back of nipple.
• I have had no complications thus far.
• My kids visited me in the evening and were so sweet and gentle.  We played hangman and tic tac toe and ate chocolate. My 8-year-old girl was so sad to leave and sobbed on my lap.  
• My boy did not ask to nurse. In fact, my 5 year old asked him and he said "No. No milk, there's only medicine in there".
• I was not nauseous after the surgery.
• I was protected and watched over all the while.

The healing has begun!  God is the ultimate Healer!

Read other posts in this series:

Maxed Out Minivan
To start at part one go here:
Part 1: Stage Zero What?