A guest post by an anonymous writer, which will be an ongoing series.
Please join us on her journey!
This week was filled with good news and bad news. It is bittersweet and so difficult to focus on the good news when bad comes along with it, but I am learning. I realized today, from a comment from a friend to me, that this is NOT the most difficult thing I have been through in my life, nor will it be the worst, likely. This in itself is both good and bad news! It is pretty laughable that a thing that would be the worst for many people is not the worst to me. I was also called strong. I am not strong or brave. I have just accepted that this is life. And if I am honest I have probably stopped caring and become hardened to some extent. A difficult life can do that.Good News
This week on Wednesday I went to my doctor appointment (3 weeks post surgery). I was given the go-ahead to quit my antibiotics because the redness I was experiencing had subsided. The other good news is I have 100% mobility, which is amazing! This is not without pain/stretching. I need to continue exercises 2-3 times a day for 4-6 mos, but I am told that the stretching feeling will subside over time if I stick to the exercises.
Bad News
My sister left on Monday, which has been a challenge, trying to suddenly go back to doing everything I always did. It was a pretty easy week, thankfully, but overwhelming to get back to a routine I did not have to do for over two weeks.
I had one whole day of no medications and then the reaction I was having earlier (at 2 weeks) returned! Thursday my left side was all pink again, worse than the first time. I called the doctor and he said to restart refills of prednisone and both antibiotics. This was very discouraging.
I had one whole day of no medications and then the reaction I was having earlier (at 2 weeks) returned! Thursday my left side was all pink again, worse than the first time. I called the doctor and he said to restart refills of prednisone and both antibiotics. This was very discouraging.
I have what is called Red Breast Syndrome (RBS), a recently identified clinical entity characterized by non-infectious erythema associated with the use of acellular dermal matrix (ADM) after post-mastectomy reconstruction. ADM (AlloDerm®) is created from donated human skin. A process removes all of the immune cells from the donated skin while retaining all of the important biochemical and structural components. This is supposed to prevent rejection of the material, which is more common with other materials used for reconstruction.
I immediately became discouraged and began to regret my decision to do the left side (the unaffected side). If I knew that this reaction would resolve, this would be another story. I do not know that so am concerned about what happens if it doesn't. I have been encouraged by my nurse sister, my doctor and a nurse practitioner friend that it usually does resolve, so I hope that this the case. Otherwise, we are back to square one with reconstruction plans. This is also probably delaying the completion of reconstruction because of waiting for this to clear up.
In the short term, this is upsetting because I was planning to feel good this week for my kids' spring break. I was hoping to do fun things and now I am going to feel sick from medications the entire time instead. Additionally, my husband will be gone Tuesday-Thursday, which means I will literally be handling things alone for those days.
Overall, I am thankful that I am doing better than I ever expected at three weeks. I just didn't see this coming. I sent an update to my friend yesterday and she suggested Psalm 46. I have just begun to pray the Psalms so this was appropriate.
I immediately became discouraged and began to regret my decision to do the left side (the unaffected side). If I knew that this reaction would resolve, this would be another story. I do not know that so am concerned about what happens if it doesn't. I have been encouraged by my nurse sister, my doctor and a nurse practitioner friend that it usually does resolve, so I hope that this the case. Otherwise, we are back to square one with reconstruction plans. This is also probably delaying the completion of reconstruction because of waiting for this to clear up.
In the short term, this is upsetting because I was planning to feel good this week for my kids' spring break. I was hoping to do fun things and now I am going to feel sick from medications the entire time instead. Additionally, my husband will be gone Tuesday-Thursday, which means I will literally be handling things alone for those days.
Overall, I am thankful that I am doing better than I ever expected at three weeks. I just didn't see this coming. I sent an update to my friend yesterday and she suggested Psalm 46. I have just begun to pray the Psalms so this was appropriate.
1 God is our refuge and strength, a helper who is always found in times of trouble.
2 Therefore we will not be afraid, though the earth trembles and the mountains topple into the depths of the seas,
3 though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with its turmoil. Selah
4 [There is] a river- its streams delight the city of God, the holy dwelling place of the Most High.
5 God is within her; she will not be toppled. God will help her when the morning dawns.
6 Nations rage, kingdoms topple; the earth melts when He lifts His voice.
7 The Lord of Hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah
8Come, see the works of the Lord, who brings devastation on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease throughout the earth. He shatters bows and cuts spears to pieces; He burns up the chariots.
10 "Stop [your fighting]-and know that I am God, exalted among the nations, exalted on the earth."
11 The Lord of Hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah
2 Therefore we will not be afraid, though the earth trembles and the mountains topple into the depths of the seas,
3 though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with its turmoil. Selah
4 [There is] a river- its streams delight the city of God, the holy dwelling place of the Most High.
5 God is within her; she will not be toppled. God will help her when the morning dawns.
6 Nations rage, kingdoms topple; the earth melts when He lifts His voice.
7 The Lord of Hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah
8Come, see the works of the Lord, who brings devastation on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease throughout the earth. He shatters bows and cuts spears to pieces; He burns up the chariots.
10 "Stop [your fighting]-and know that I am God, exalted among the nations, exalted on the earth."
11 The Lord of Hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah
I am sure we all have heard "Be Still and Know that I am God". In this translation, it says "Stop your fighting and know that I am God". I read this as stop fighting against my life circumstances, or even God's will itself, and feeling discouraged. God knows what he is doing.
This blog provides more insight into Ps 46, including more on the translation of Ps 46:10.
How Do We Rest in God?
This blog provides more insight into Ps 46, including more on the translation of Ps 46:10.
How Do We Rest in God?
This song is a great reminder that my help comes from the Lord and expresses many of the themes of Ps 46: Helper, Rest, Rescue
Read Other Posts in this series:
Maxed Out Minivan
To start at part one go here:
Part 1: Stage Zero What?
No comments:
Post a Comment