ADHD in Aisle 3

Last week 3 of my children had dentist appointments 20 miles from my home in the town I usually do all my errands. I usually do errands alone to avoid behavior problems, this time, however, in order to save a trip back to town, I decided to do my errands after the dentist appointments. Keep in mind we were at the dentist for 2 hours.

After the dentist, we went to Target to get a few birthday gifts for parties coming up. After Target my 13-year-old son and I needed hair cuts so we went to Great Clips. My other son who is 9 years old and has moderate ADHD started getting antsy and was peeking behind the curtain to see me, standing on a chair, wandering back and forth from the product shelves to the opposite wall. All the while, my 7 yr old daughter was sitting nicely and being quiet. By the time the hair cuts were completed we had been gone for four hours.

Looking back, I now see the error of my ways.
I guess I should have known better than to think my 9 yr old could make it through another store, judging by the way he acted at Great Clips, but I pressed my luck. Next stop, the grocery store.

We began the shopping trip with the kids each being asked to retrieve a grocery item. I allowed them to choose fruit and put things into the cart to keep them busy. Five minutes into the trip, my 9-year-old started running. I begged, I pleaded, I nearly cried.

After a bit, I grabbed his neck so he would look at me and quietly said, "Please slow down." This is when things got a little out of hand. We only had dairy and frozen left to get through, so I thought we could manage. He immediately began walking is super slow motion. He loudly said, also super slowly "I can't keep up." He looked ridiculous and I was mortified. People were staring. Others were shaking their heads as if to say "She can't control her own kid." I ignored all the looks and told him I was not waiting and the other kids and I went to the frozen foods without him.

Eventually, he showed up. I assumed this would be the easy part because I was allowing each of them to choose a TV dinner, which I rarely get. He chose his quickly then decided it would be a good time to begin writing the word "poop" on every freezer door since I was distracted trying to choose dinners for myself, my husband, and the 2 kids left at home. I had no idea he had done this until he had written it on every freezer door in that aisle. I held onto him while my 13-year-old went to all of the doors and rubbed the word away.

This concluded the shopping and all the kids were super helpful putting the groceries on the belt, but then after they were done, the 9-year-old was goofing off at the end where everyone walks through and he was getting in people's way.

What people do not understand is that ADHD kids do not have the same impulse control as the rest of us and often display behaviors 3-5 years behind their actual age. He will be 10 in July. Yes, he looks like a normally developed 5th grader. But behavior reflects that of a 5-7-year-old. It seems as if he has bad parenting. I will tell you, none of my other kids act like that. I actually spend double or triple the amount of time correcting his behaviors than I do on the rest of the children. He really is a very sweet kid with a ton of amazing qualities. They are just difficult to see through all the rambunctious behavior.

Next time you see a seemingly normal looking child acting out at a store, keep in mind that there is maybe something you do not know that can not be seen. Consider that this tired mama works hard to help her child overcome these obstacles but can not possibly stay on top of it every second of every day. Consider the daily struggle this family encounters and the judgments by others they face. Above all else, recognize the treasure each child is and realize there are probably amazing things about this "terror" that you are not seeing. It makes me very sad that people can not see the amazing kid under all of the crazy behaviors. I am the only one who really knows him. Let me tell you-I am oh so blessed!

Do you have a child with struggles that are hard for others to see? What are your solutions?

Grilled Hawaiian Chicken Sandwiches and Hawaiian Pasta Salad

I am not a food blogger but I just needed to share my versions of these recipes! I don't know how to make them printable so I apologize for that in advance! I hope you like them!

Motherhood:What it Means to Me

Motherhood is painful, scary, and unpredictable.

Motherhood is body changing, life giving, and life altering.

Motherhood is little hands, little feet, and big hearts.

Motherhood is late nights and early mornings.

Motherhood is cuddles, kisses, and hugs.

Motherhood is soft, comforting, and precious.

Motherhood is creating, discovering, and exploring.

Motherhood is anger, yelling, and apologies.

Motherhood is compassion, support, and forgiveness.

Motherhood is hellos, goodbyes, coming, and going.

Motherhood is joyful, peaceful, and graceful.

Motherhood is school programs, football games, and dance recitals.

Motherhood is powerful, all encompassing, and soul searching.

Motherhood is overwhelming, disappointing, and bewildering.

Motherhood is tickles, laughter, and rosy cheeks.

Motherhood is hard, confusing, and frustrating.

Motherhood is wonderful, exhilarating, and fulfilling.

Motherhood is tiring, thankless, and heartbreaking.

Motherhood is holding on and letting go.

Motherhood is lonely, sacrifice, and expensive.

Motherhood is giggles, smiles, and games.

Motherhood is dance parties, picnics, and trips.

Motherhood is busy, crazy, and scheduled.

Motherhood is goofy, silly, and sweet.

Motherhood is beautiful, important, and magical.

Motherhood is emotional, brutal, and  frightening.

Motherhood is messy, irritating, and cluttered.

Motherhood is forts, movies, and talks.

Motherhood is everything, indescribable, and priceless.

Motherhood is love!

Motherless on Mother's Day

The past few weeks I have not been doing well. I just started feeling out of sorts. I was angry and/or sad very often and could not figure out why. I felt irritated much of the time. Then I saw a Mother's Day post and it dawned on me. That was what was upsetting me. I am about to celebrate my first Mother's Day without a mom. She left this earth shortly after last Mother's Day.

Every time I see a Mother's day commercial or Facebook post I get angry and it all seems so unfair. I don't want to do Mother's Day without my mom here. Why does everyone else have a mom except me? Obviously, that is not the truth, but it sure feels that way. I get angry when I see very old ladies. Why do they still get to be alive but not my mama?

I told my friend about my feeling about this and she acted like I was being selfish. Maybe I am. Isn't it okay to be selfish every now and then? I told her I would like to just skip Sunday altogether. I want to go to bed Saturday and wake up Monday and just skip it.

I realize that I am a mom and my kids want to celebrate me, but I just don't know how I am going to do it. I have seen them sneaking off to their rooms to make me gifts. My daughter has a weekly schedule written on the whiteboard. For Saturday it says: Making and buying gifts for mama. I feel like crying whenever I look at it for two reasons: because it makes me sad I don't have my mom, and from guilt over not being happy and joy filled reading how much my kids love me in those words. They have asked me what I want for a gift. I tell them I want my mom. They are dumbfounded because that is just something they can not deliver. They talk excitedly about the day we will have. I am worried. I want to be happy and enjoy my kids and the joy and happiness they feel over it. I just don't know if I can. I am not sure I can paste on a smile and be happy for their sakes. Furthermore, I don't really want to. I want to lay in my bed and cry for my own mama. I know that would be the wrong approach.

I am stuck. I love my kids but I really miss my mom!

Are you facing your first Mother's Day without your mama? How are you planning to cope? 

You Are Not What You Look Like

Lies. They are everywhere. The beauty industry feeds us these lies and builds our insecurities around them. Once we have them, the beauty industry uses them to sell us so much crap we do not need. We just think we do.

If you have skin issues cover them up.
If you have frizzy hair make it less frizzy.
Unstyled hair looks sloppy.
If you have a tummy wear something to hide it or get liposuction/tummy tuck.
If you have yellow teeth get them whitened.
If you have crooked teeth get them straightened.
If you have stretch marks fade them.
If you have wrinkles reduce them.
If you have gray hair color it.
Bare nails are ugly, manicure them.
Comfortable clothes look sloppy, wear fancy shit.
The shoes make the outfit.
Accessorize!
If you have body or facial hair remove it.
If you have cellulite reduce/remove it.
Makeup will brighten your face, pale is out!
Tan is in, go to a tanning salon.
Dull hair looks bad, get highlights!
Wear a lifting bra, saggy boobs look terrible.
If your boobs are too small, get implants.
If you are fat you're gross, go to the gym.


Good news. There are a bunch of products you really need to fix yourself! Do all this and your insecurities will disappear!

concealer
anti frizz serum
curling/straightening irons
Spanx
tooth whitener
braces
stretch mark cream/laser treatments
wrinkle cream/botox
hair dye
nail polish and acrylic nails
high fashion clothing
dress shoes
jewelry/belts
waxing kits/services or laser hair removal
cellulite cream/liposuction
makeup
Self-tanners/tanning booths
salon visits for highlights
expensive bras
plastic surgery
gym membership

Look, I am sure there is much more. The point is these are not things we need. These are lies in a bottle. There is a reason the beauty industry wasn't hurting during hard financial times and a reason why the beauty industry continues to thrive. It is because we believe our worth is based on what we look like. So we try to fix our flaws in hopes that we will become more confident and less insecure. Does it work? I say no. I think it just makes our insecurities worse because once we fix one thing another thing comes up that needs fixing. It is a never ending cycle of find and fix, find and fix, repeat, repeat, repeat. But we are never happy with ourselves because we are constantly being told fix this, fix that and everything is never totally fixed. It actually causes us to notice our flaws more because the industry is feeding us so many lies daily.

Here are the beauty products you actually need for hygiene purposes.
Soap
Shampoo
Deodorant
Toothpaste/toothbrush
Hairbrush

See that short list? If we could all just simplify to use just those things and ignore the lies the beauty industry feeds us daily wouldn't we all be much happier? I think yes! The sooner we realize what we look like isn't who we are we will be better off. I have value no matter what I look like. How about you?

What do you think? Is the beauty industry causing more harm than good?  

The Story of My Life in Memes

If you like these and want to share any they can be
 found on my Maxed-Out Minivan Facebook page!

The Pros and Cons of Working at Home

For 13 years I was a SAHM. Four and a half months ago, right after my oldest son turned 13, I got a job at a local factory doing Home Assembly. It is 29 hours per week as a supplemental income. In that time I have learned a lot about the advantages and disadvantages of such an arrangement.

PROS:

• I get to make my own hours. I can work around appointments, sickness, and anything else that comes up.
• I get to have a pajama day ever day. Nothing beats working in your PJs!
• I don't have to deal with people.
• I can take whatever breaks I want/need to.
• I am here for the kids when they have days off.
• The DVR stays empty. I always have something on to at least listen to in the background while I am working.
• No commute. It is nice not to have to waste time, gas, and wear and tear on the van.
• I don't get behind on laundry. I switch things from the washer to the dryer and start a new load when I take a break.
• I don't need to pack a lunch.
• No wardrobe expense. I wear whatever I want, PJs normally, as stated above.
• I don't need to look presentable. I sometimes don't brush my hair or teeth or wear deodorant.
• I control the thermostat.

CONS:

• I get distracted by things like Facebook, house work, and phone calls.
• There is no separation between home and work-same place.
• I don't get paid breaks.
• I have to multitask when the kids are home, they want ALL THE THINGS when I decide to work.
• My house looks like a factory. My living room always has boxes and equipment everywhere.
• I don't get paid for the time I spend loading and unloading orders, picking up and dropping off orders or setting up a job to start working on it.
• I need to be organized and schedule my work or else it won't get done by the due date. If I get behind I am up all night finishing work the day before i need to return it.
• Loneliness. I get stir crazy sometimes when it's just me, myself and I all day while the kids are at school. 
• My family gets mad sometimes when they want things and I am working. They do not get that I need to work. Just because I am here does not mean I am available.
• I don't get vacation or sick days. I still need to get my hours in even if I have plans or if I am sick.
• Friends assume I can do things with them any time any day. Just because I am home, that does not mean I am available.
• I feel compelled to work ahead even if I got done with the amt of work I had planned to do that day.

As you can see, the pros and cons are about equal. If you have a paying job, do you work at home or out of the home? Which do you prefer?