Monday, September 7, 2015

Chips, Dip, Cramps, and Discord

A few weeks ago I was having a terrible crampy pain on one side of my abdomen. I felt like death. I thought I would pass out it was so bad. I was tempted to drive myself to the ER.

After supper it seemed like a good idea to curl up in a fetal position on the couch and put on a show everyone liked. Big Brother was it. I was all curled up as comfortable as I was going to be under the circumstances. Never mind the fact that my kids were crowding me. I attempted to ignore them and focus on the show. I should have known it was not going to work out.

My daughter went to get the chips and dip. I didn't really care that she did not ask or that they were undoubtedly going to make an extreme mess. I was in too much pain to care.

The 10 year old was getting annoyed that the kids were reaching into the bag so she yelled at the 7 year old. The 7 year old started crying. Then the 10 year old yelled at her for crying because she couldn't hear the show and turned it up to 100 decibels. The 9 year old started eating the chips cookie monster style, crumbs flying everywhere! What kind of 9 year old does that? The other 7 year old dripped dip on the remote and it was stuck in the buttons! Hello? Is this necessary? Chaos ensued.

At this point I screamed "Where is your father!?" I glanced down the hall from my cozy spot. I saw the bathroom light on and the door closed. I listened for water running. OH SHIT! He is in the shower! Great timing dad! I was at the end of my rope, near tears. The pain was getting worse by the minute. I felt like my insides might just explode. How was all this taking place in the few minutes it takes my husband to shower? Couldn't they have waited until he was done to lose it?

I should have known better than to think I could just zone out on TV and let the kids do whatever. Based on previous experience, I had not watched one episode of Big Brother in it's entirety without some stupid shit happening. Why should this time be any different?

I licked the dip off the remote, then had a kid bring me a paper towel to clean out the cracks. I should have put a halt to the chips and dip immediately, but stupidly gave the kids the benefit of the doubt.

I am positive I did not learn my lesson and that this kind of thing will happen again. I will probably be just as surprised when the next stupid thing happens because I am a slow learner! Chips and dip anyone? How about a side of cramps and discord? Pull up a seat!

What kind of chaos happens at your house when you don't feel the best?