Friday, November 28, 2014

Yes, They are all mine!

I have five kids ages 6-12. I try not to take all them places with me for several reasons. It is hard with all of them and the older two kids can babysit or stay home alone. I get distracted trying to keep track of everyone. They misbehave. Someone always ends up crying or fighting. The biggest reason though is all the looks, questions, and  comments I get.

Over the last six years (because I then had 5 kids) I have heard too many to count. Here are the most frequent/shocking/annoying of the many.

1. Are they all yours?
My response: Yep, all mine!
What I want to say: Oh, weird. No, I have a few extra. I better find out where they came from and return them before one of their parents gets worried.

2. You must have been a teen mom, you look very young.
My response: Thank you so much! I was 26 when I had my first, everyone tells me I look young for my age.
What I want to say: Yeah I was. I was pretty slutty and just kept having kids. I don't know how that happened. I should probably stop sleeping around. Maybe that would help.

3. Do they all have the same dad? 
My response: Yep, I have been with my husband over twenty years and we waited nine to start a family.
What I want to say: No, all different dads. I go to bars and get drunk a lot and just keep getting pregnant. 

4. You sure have your hands full!
My response: I sure do! It's a lot of work but its all worth it. 
What I want to say: I know right!? Do you want to take a few home with you?

5. It must be expensive to have so many kids.
My response: It is. We use a lot of hand me downs, look for clearance items and shop at garage sales a lot.  
What I want to say: It is but the welfare benefits help.

6. Were they all planned? 
My response: Four were, but the last pregnancy I got twins. We call her our bonus baby! 
What I want to say: I didn't want to have any kids but I have a sex addiction and haven't quite figured out birth control yet.

7. They're so good!
My response: Yes, they are usually very good in public.
What I want to say: This is rare. Come over anytime and you will see much different behavior. They fight, cry, throw tantrums, destroy things, show disrespect and attitude. Want to adopt one?

8. Are they twins? 
My response: Yes
What I want to say: No. I saw this one wandering around the parking lot, thought what the heck, what's one more kid, and picked her up!

9. How do you do it?
My response: I have no idea, I just do, one day at a time I guess.
What I want to say: Usually at home I just lock them in the closet and only let them out for baths, meals, and school. That makes things pretty easy.

10. You are so blessed.
My response: Yes, I sure am!
What I want to say: Tell me how blessed I am when they all start acting like jerks, or when they are all barfing sick on the same day. Then you can share the blessing and  babysit for the day.

There are many many more of these, too many to count. I have learned to just smile and give the proper response and not let it bother me, but man it would be fun to say what I really want to say!