Friday, April 24, 2015

OMG! That's SOOOOO Funny!

I have a lot of funny stories about the happenings in my life, but they are never long enough to write a blog about. Well, I have a special treat for you! I have been saving them up! Get ready to LAUGH!

The Stoplight

I called my sister to ask directions to my niece's house. My daughter was over there and I needed to pick her up. The conversation started out pretty normally. Then she decided to be a funny one.

Sis: Do you know where main street is?
Me: Yes
Sis: Do you know what a stoplight is?
Me: Of course!
Sis: If the stoplight is green turn left. If it's red stop.
Me: I know how to drive.
Sis: Ok, so if it's green and you turn left, go down to such n such apartment building. That is where            she lives.
Me: Ok, got it.
Sis: If it's red, stop and wait until it turns green though.
Me: YES, I know that.
Sis: Then you can turn left after it turns green, but only if no one is going straight. Don't turn until no         one is going straight.
Me: I know traffic rules.
Sis: Ok, so after the light is green and there are no cars going straight go down to such n such apartments and that is where she lives.
Me: I already got that part.
Sis: Ok, well I had to tell you where to go after the light turned green.

By the time she was done giving me a hard time I was already pulling into my niece's place, and I even remembered to stop for the light and not crash into anyone going straight after the light turned green! Now, Every time I go through that town I laugh thinking about that conversation.


We were having a sleepover at my younger sisters house. It was me, my five kids, her, her husband and her son. The place is small, so you can hear everything everywhere in her place. We had 6 kids ages 2-10 all settled in for a movie and my sister was making popcorn.

She was standing in the kitchen, air popping popcorn. My 8 yr old at the time was wandering because she really does not sit. I was chatting with my sister in the kitchen. My sister got distracted my me talking incessantly when the popcorn began cascading to the floor.

Girl: I know what that means!
Sis: Oh really, what? very surprized look on face
Girl: very confidently My Fault!

My sister and I laughed and laughed! To this day, at almost 11, she still thinks that is what it means. I hope to keep it that way!

You Are Such a....!

One day, my kids were playing dress-up with old dance costumes. I instructed my 6 year old twins to find all the dresses laying randomly about the house and to hang them up. One of them began getting frustrated and whining about how she couldn't find one of them. I found it immediately.

Me: Oh, you mean this dress right here?
Girl: YES!!
Me: Weird, it must have gotten here all by itself!
Girl: STOP IT! You're being a.....
Me: A what? Jerkface?
Girl: NO!
Me: Poophead?
Girl: NO! I can't say it, it's a bad word!
Me: What? Asshole?
Girl: YES!!! laughing hysterically

Yes, I am an asshole parent! Aren't we all? 


I took a solo trip to see my little sister at her place. I was so happy to get away. It was very relaxing. After her son went to bed, and her husband was gone, we began talking about frizz problems and what solutions we have found. I had not found many I liked but she had an arsenal of tips! She suddenly jumped up and ran to the bathroom and suddenly returned with a product

Sis: This works really well, but, well, it smells kind of crotchy. You can have it if you want to, see            what you think.
Me: sniffing it. It was very perfumy scented with a sour undertone Wow really? I have never heard of a crotch smelling like that! That would be weird!

We could not stop laughing for about 5 minutes. I was rolling around, nearly falling off of the couch, tears streaming down my face! I still have the product, and every time I use it I hear It smells kinda crotchy in my head!


One evening after the kids were asleep my husband and I were laying in bed talking. I was telling him what my typical day looks like. I never finished the story because he decided to make fun of me.

Me: After I drop the kids off at school, I read my devotions, finish my coffee, then go back to bed for         3 hours.
Him: Wait? What? laughing hysterically
Me: What's so funny about that?
Him: Really? MMMMM, let's drink a bunch of coffee then go back to bed! laughing uncontrollably

I stopped talking to him and was very mad! The very next day, though, as I was pouring my last cup of coffee, I thought  MMMMM, let's drink a bunch of coffee then go back to bed. I then recognized the humor of it. It really does sound ridiculous. Now I laugh about it all the time.

My life is a colorful quilt made up of stories like these! Jealous?