Please join us on her journey!
First off, let me say, forced weaning is NO fun! I am THAT mom who believes that, ideally, weaning should happen when both Mom and baby are ready. Obviously, that is rarely the case based on many conversations I have had with many moms. Most babies wean before the mom is ready, or the mom is ready when the baby is not. With my first two children I was blessed and both mom and baby weaned relatively easily with a gentle weaning, "don't offer, don't refuse" approach.
The only time I have cried during this entire ordeal is the day I was recommended mastectomy for treatment. I cried, not for the loss of a breast, but for loss of breastfeeding, at a specified time and not when we were both ready for that transition. Being my last child, I assumed I would nurse my child as long as he wanted to, up to age three. Suddenly that wasn't an option for me. I reasoned that I COULD potentially just nurse on one side, and have a mastectomy on the affected side only. In the end, I realized this may be difficult for us both emotionally and practically, as my now toddler has always preferred the affected side.
I had a great plan laid out after I decided to go ahead and have a mastectomy on both sides. I had more or less dropped the morning nursing and was nursing mostly at nap time and bedtime. I thought I could just drop the bedtime nursing as long as Dad could do bedtime and would do nap time nursing only up until surgery day. This was not practical once it came down to actually doing it, as my husband travels 40% of the time.
In the last few weeks, I decided to stop struggling with it so much (refusing to nurse at night) and just enjoy these last days of nursing! It has been bittersweet. Every time I nurse my son to sleep I realize these are our last days. It both helps me to enjoy and not rush that time, and breaks my heart, simultaneously.
For almost three weeks after surgery, another caregiver will be doing nap time and bedtime, and by the time I am doing those things again, it will have been 20 days of no nursing for him. I assume by then he will be used to not nursing and will not ask. However, I am prepared that he might and will deal with that then. I have been preparing him that soon the milk will be gone because the doctor has to take "yucky stuff" out which will also take away the milk. He understands, but is not happy about it. The other day he told me "Why does the doctor have to take it out? I don't want the doctor to take it out". Other days I ask him "what will we do when I can't nurse anymore"? He says "just rock". So I know he understands. And although this breaks my heart more than any other part of this, I know we will be okay. He is my precious boy and we will find other ways to comfort and bond.
I am praying for peace and calm in this process and, so far, I have received it. God is good. He will help us through this transition. And I will always cherish these last days of nursing, more than I ever would have had this not been the way it ended. It's a blessing, really.
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