A guest post by an anonymous writer, which will be an ongoing series.
Please join us on her journey!
How many times do you think I have heard "at least you will have nice boobs" or some other version of that statement since I started telling people I was having a mastectomy? More than I can count! It is understandable in some ways. Even I was guilty of thinking that, in the beginning. I thought "worst case scenario, I will get new boobs" after I found out I needed a biopsy. Little did I know it would ever become a reality. Additionally, I did not realize all a mastectomy with reconstruction entails.
“I wish I would have known my reconstruction process was a work in progress,” says Megan, recently diagnosed in late 2014. “You’re not just waking up from surgery with fabulous, perky boobs. People will say, ‘At least you are getting new boobs as a result of cancer.’ But, it’s more like a six-month science project, and it’s not fun.”
This statement is from Post-mastectomy fashion: 4 things I wish I'd known before. This article talks about being comfortable between mastectomy and reconstruction (8-12 weeks in most cases) and also how things fit when reconstruction is complete. One thing I did not expect and am not looking forward to is finding a bra that fits (or a swimsuit for that matter)! Apparently, regular bras don't fit reconstructed breasts for many women. Reconstructed breasts don't have the "give" that natural breasts have. So, rather than trying to mold into the clothes, the clothes have to mold to you.
"Reconstructed breasts in no way resemble natural breasts. Attempting to wear a top that used to give you killer cleavage may only end in frustration.
“Though your breasts may be the same size as they were before, they are not the same.” says Jeannine, who was diagnosed at 26 and underwent a bilateral mastectomy with latissimus flap reconstruction. “The density, shape and consistency of implants are vastly different than that of normal breast tissue, and radiation can completely alter your skin and muscle. This must be taken into consideration when choosing clothing. Your implants don’t squish into things, and they don't move for you. I had to get stuck in a few items of clothes in dressing rooms to learn that lesson.” "
Despite these difficulties, which I did NOT expect, there are some upsides to having a mastectomy (some of these are totally silly, so please forgive me):
I will get to have "young" looking breasts (though not mine and difficult to manage, they will probably look great).
I get to buy a new swimsuit.
I will have time to catch up on my DVR'd shows and read while I recover.
I will get some delicious meals brought to me and cooked by others.
I get to have TWO sisters visit in 2 weeks time!
My kids get time with their aunties and more time with Dad than usual.
I get a break from doing bedtime and grocery shopping for a bit (ha!).
I get to meet some fabulous people I would not otherwise have met.
Most of all, I am growing closer to God and seeking Jesus, my Savior in everything.
Through this journey thus far, I have experienced more moments of peace and pure joy than I have during any other time of my life! That, my friend, can only be the work of God!
You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
you have loosed my sackcloth
and clothed me with gladness,
that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.
A guest post by an anonymous writer, which will be an ongoing series. Please join us on her journey!
Shortly after I found out that mastectomy was in the cards for me, I decided it might be a good idea to make a breast cast. I knew people did belly casts while pregnant to remember their pregnant form, so why not do a breast cast to remember my pre-surgery body, as I did not think photos would do it justice?
The first step was to find a video or instructions. I was unable to find such a video, so I set out to make my own. I found many belly casting videos, some of which included the breast area, so I decided to pattern mine after those. I found instructions and the supplies needed and went to work to prepare.
Later, I had help making the breast cast, which was a great bonding experience, to say the least! It's not every day you get to have other women videoing and touching your breasts! In the end, I am very happy I did it and will cherish it I am sure.
Supplies:
Petroleum jelly
Plaster cloth
Scissors
Warm water
Plastic drop cloth or old towel
Steps:
Cut strips into 3 sizes - Four 2 x 5 strips, several strips about 1 x 6, several long strips the width of the torso.
Apply a generous amount of petroleum jelly to the entire area to be covered by the breast cast.
Wet and apply strips. Use 2 x 5 strips to cover each breast in an X formation.
Continue to apply the several longer strips to cover the X formations.
Apply longest strips to the torso area.
Wait 15-20 minutes and let the cast dry.
Remove and wait at least 24 hours before sanding and embellishing the breast cast.
I have not had a chance to sand or paint my breast cast yet. I am looking forward to that experience as well! I hope this helps someone commemorate their pre-surgery form!
A guest post by an anonymous writer, which will be an ongoing series.
Please join us on her journey!
If you have ever had a baby or had surgery, no doubt you have been asked if you have advance directives. Advance directives are a way to communicate your wishes for health care in advance, should you become unable to make them yourself and regarding your medical treatment in circumstances in which you are no longer able to express informed consent. A Living Will is the document which expresses your wishes for care while the Healthcare Power of Attorney gives a named individual a right to make decisions regarding your healthcare and medical treatment. Healthcare Power of Attorney becomes active when a person is unable to make decisions or consciously communicate intentions regarding treatments. It also indicates a start and end date.
It may seem morbid to do this. I decided to do this because I have a fear of having a complication or dying during surgery. I am not afraid for myself, for I know where my home is after death. I am afraid for my family, should anything happen. I also do not want anyone to have to make decisions without knowing my wishes.
Anytime there is surgery or a situation that may, even in a rare circumstance, result in your being unable to make medical decisions, it is a very good idea to have advance directives. It accomplishes two things:
It ensures that your wishes are communicated to medical staff and to the individual named as Healthcare Power of Attorney.
It takes pressure off of the person who will be making the decisions in the event of a need because your wishes are already known. It is a gift to do so, to the family member who will be responsible.
It is not necessary to hire an attorney to complete these documents. Many templates can be found online. I used eforms.com for a free trial. Once signed in front of a notary and notarized or signed in front of two non-family witnesses, they become legal documents. It is a good idea to make additional copies to be held by other responsible parties.
I want to also address the need to accept help in this blog, as it is related and something I am currently struggling with. Since the beginning of this journey, I decided I would handle everything on my own, and with my husband. I did not tell anyone about what was going on until very recently. I did not ask anyone for help. I did not join any support groups. I insisted no family come to help with the kids after surgery. However, that did not last long. People started offering help. I joined a support group, have a meal calendar set up, many people praying for me, family coming to help after surgery, a nurse friend lined up to come help me with my drains the first few days and more.
Accepting help is very hard for me, but necessary! I want things done a certain way and want my kids' lives as normal as possible. I am so used to taking care of other people that the idea of having someone take care of me or my responsibilities is difficult. I really didn't realize how much it was bothering me until today. The past few weeks several people have urged me to take help. Today my nurse friend and my sister who is a nurse also told me the same thing. My only job for as long as I can get help is to heal. That will ensure that I don't get an infection and can begin taking care of everything again sooner.
It also occurred to me that denying help would be both prideful and would rob others of the opportunity to help, an opportunity we are called to provide.
Romans 12:13 Share with the Lord's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
A guest post by an anonymous writer, which will be an ongoing series.
Please join us on her journey!
Praise God from whom all blessings flow; Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host: Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
It seems odd to say that many blessings have come from this experience, but they have. At the beginning of this journey, I just treated it like "nothing". I did not give any thought to it most of the time and went about my life as usual. I was not open to the possibility of it adding anything to my life, positive or negative. I was determined it would not affect me in the least. That lasted a very short time. I immediately was given many blessings, though I did not acknowledge them. After all, what good could possibly come from it?
I was more annoyed than anything, about trying to fit in so many doctor appointments and the prospect of recovering from any surgery while taking care of my family. With my (few) friends busy with their own families, and no family where I live, it seemed near impossible to fit it all in. I was functioning as if it were just another thing to fit into my crazy, busy life with young kids and a husband who travels a lot. That's enough to handle most days! I did not approach the situation with much thought of it affecting me in any meaningful way.
Along the way, God has provided me so many blessings and I am sure that more will follow.
A peace that passes all understanding - I said in my first post that people have been surprised by how I am handling my diagnosis and the road that lies ahead. This cannot be explained. My MO is NOT calm and peace. My MO in facing big (and even seemingly small) things is to think my life is over, get depressed, think about how unfair it is, get stuck. That has not happened this time, and not by any willpower or effort on my part. It just is. It is not me who is doing things to have this peace. It is God, gifting it to me!
An opportunity to get healthier - I have trouble doing all of the things to be healthy that I need to do. Since my diagnosis, I have seen the need to do what I need for future cancer prevention, exercise, drink more water, sleep better and eat better. It is just the motivation I needed for change!
Seeing my faith grow - Related to the above, I was completely surprised by my response. It has been like watching someone else go through it in a way. This has allowed me to see myself more clearly and to see not only how strong my faith is, but also to see where I can change, where God is leading me to change. This has caused me to seek the Lord, but also to see Him everywhere.
Noticing the little things - This is such a cliche when people face their mortality for any reason, but it is very true. I appreciate things like the sun, moon, and nature in general. I delight in my children even more than I ever did. I see how much does not matter in this life. My life on this Earth is temporary. What does matter comes to the forefront in times like these.
New friends - I have found people who have become friends in many ways related to this diagnosis. I have found people willing to help, listen or pray for/with me who have become friends. I have found people who have gone through similar things. This has helped me cope and has helped me feel less lonely on this journey. I am so grateful!
The desire to have another baby decreased - After my last baby, we were "done". However, I always still hoped for one more. Since I found out about the recommended treatment of mastectomy, I have not desired for another baby. This is because if I could not nurse, I would not want another baby. This is a sad blessing in some ways, but I am very happy that my family no longer feels incomplete in my heart.
Opportunity to help others - In short, I have found that I can use this experience to help others. This has already come to fruition through this blog, but also in other ways that I see I may be able to help others in the future because of what I have gone experienced.
God speaking to me - Mostly, God has spoken to me about this experience in so many ways, whether that be a kind word from someone at just the right time, a song, a prayer, or a verse that comes to mind. One of my favorites, which also came to me at just the right time when I was feeling fearful and upset over another experience in the past is
Isaiah 55: 8-9 (ESV)
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
This song has also been a gift. It assures me that God knows what He is doing. He did not cause this illness. But He WILL use it for good in my life!
A guest post by an anonymous writer, which will be an ongoing series.
Please join us on her journey!
Many people have been surprised that mastectomy would EVER be a treatment for Stage 0 breast cancer. Honestly, I was as well. I had the idea that it would be a simple, non-invasive procedure that would be complete in a matter of days, not months. I now understand it and do believe this is the best course of action for me.
The standard of care for DCIS is generally lumpectomy or excision biopsy followed by possible radiation and Tamoxifen (a hormone blocker), depending on hormone receptor status. I am hormone receptor positive (ER+/PR+). Additionally, I have six centimeters of affected tissue and am very small breasted. Of the two (of six) spots biopsied, one tested mid-grade and one tested high-grade. High-Grade DCIS may have a higher chance of developing into invasive cancer than low-grade DCIS. Overall rates of DCIS patients developing invasive cancer, if not treated, is 36-50% depending on the study. Standard of care if it does become invasive is then surgery followed by chemotherapy.
There are many options for DCIS. It is sometimes over-treated (immediate surgery followed by radiation, which has shown marginal benefit)
Options for treatment include:
Active Holistic Surveillance - "watch and wait approach". DCIS is managed by frequent follow-up scans as well as diet and lifestyle changes
Lumpectomy or biopsy excision only
Lumpectomy or biopsy excision with radiation
Lupectomy or biopsy excision with radiation and Tamoxifen
Mastectomy on the affected side or both with or without reconstruction. Sometimes radiation and Tamoxifen are recommended depending on the case.
Chemotherapy is not generally recommended.
I did my research. In the beginning, I thought I might be a candidate for Active Holistic Surveillance. In the end, I decided against this option. I could not find a doctor to monitor me in my area. The holistic practitioners near me do alternative therapies in conjunction with standard of care. I am not comfortable taking this approach without monitoring by a doctor.
I then thought I was a candidate for lumpectomy without radiation or Tamoxifen. I decided this was a good option, as I did not want radiation or Tamoxifen under any circumstances, given the possible side effects. I would simply deny those treatments.
After I found out I had six centimeters of affected tissue, mastectomy was recommended (with the removal of one lymph node to test for invasive cancer to be sure invasive cancer is not present). This is for a few reasons. One reason is that with a large percentage of the breast affected, cosmetic result is poor. Another reason is that the surgeon wants to make sure to have good margins. I went back and forth between thinking this was a good idea. At first, I considered only having the mastectomy on the affected side. My doctor told me it was totally up to me, but that he did not recommend a double mastectomy. I went for a second opinion and that doctor did recommend double mastectomy with removal of 2 or 3 lymph nodes.
In the end, I decided on double mastectomy for the following reasons:
I was not comfortable, in the end, with having an invasive cancer risk of up to 50%, if I considered Active Holistic Surveillance. That is a LARGE risk to take, especially being young and having young children. I thought of it like this. If someone told me if you do X or keep doing X, you will have a 50% chance of invasive cancer, I would change immediately. How would this be any different? Get rid of the affected tissue to reduce that risk to minimal.
I had read many accounts of people who did a lumpectomy on a large area and were very dissatisfied with the result - even people who thought they would not care about the cosmetic result (like me).
I read many accounts of people choosing a single mastectomy and later going back to have a mastectomy on the other side. I do NOT want to do this surgery more than one time in my life.
I wanted complete symmetry. If I am having a mastectomy with reconstruction, I may as well go up a cup size to where I feel most comfortable. I could have an implant and possible lift in my unaffected breast, but I am not convinced it would provide complete symmetry. The good news is I am a good candidate for nipple-sparing mastectomy unless the surgeon finds cancer cells on the back of my nipple during surgery.
I realize I do not have to do a double mastectomy, but it is the option I feel most comfortable with. I also realize that mastectomy does not prevent future breast cancer. In fact, this is one reason many cite for choosing Active Holistic Surveillance. However, with mastectomy, the risk is reduced from 36-50% down to around 3%. My doctor will monitor the remaining tissue (about 10% of breast tissue that is not removed). This is standard for mastectomy now, as "radical mastectomy" is no longer standard of care for most breast cancer and poses too many risks. This was a difficult decision for me to make. I did my research and felt the most comfortable with this choice. I am at peace with this decision and am ready to face whatever challenges will come. Recovery is going to be a long road. I do not naively believe it will be easy by any means. However, I can do it with help. I went to a support group today and was told that total recovery can take up to a year. It will be okay. I can do hard things!
A guest post by an anonymous writer, which will be an ongoing series. Please join us on her journey!
So here I am, two months and one week into my diagnosis with DCIS. In short, DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ) is a cancer inside the milk duct(s) that is not invasive, therefore considered stage 0. However, it can, over time, invade other breast tissue or grow into invasive cancer. So the practice today is to take it out. This is my story. It is a story (I am determined it will be) of broken things made beautiful. Thank you for coming along with me.
Since November 9, the day of my diagnosis to today, my "best treatment option" went from a simple, small lumpectomy to mastectomy (recommended by two doctors). I am currently trying to make sense of this and make the best decisions I can regarding treatment.
Timeline:
August 2016: I turned 40! It was a big milestone and I was SO happy with my post-pregnancy body. I celebrated and wore a dress (probably a style too young for me) out to dinner with my friend and decided that 40 was a great age to be! February 2017: I had my first mammogram. I was not concerned in the least. I am healthy and always have been, so I had absolutely no question that everything would come back normal. An hour after I left the mammogram, I was called by the imaging center and asked to come back the next day. At that appointment, the technician told me that small calcifications (tiny salt-like crystals) were found in my right breast and need to be monitored. I was asked to come back in six months. Again, I was not concerned and assumed it must be due to changing breast tissue from weaning along with hormone changes. October 26, 2017: I went for my follow-up mammogram (two months late) and was told that the calcifications grew. I was told that most times they are obviously nothing and sometimes they are obviously cancer but that mine fell into the grey area so a biopsy would be needed. I was told this very seriously. The nurses and radiologist seemed very surprised that I was calm and that I didn't ask any questions. I didn't freak out/cry/awfulize, which many people must do. They were slow to speak, soft-spoken and gentle as if I should be upset. I wasn't. I honestly thought "oh well, I am sure it is nothing". In fact, I went home and told my sister who was visiting and nonchalantly said "the calcifications grew so I need a biopsy" and "worst case, I can get new boobs", not knowing what was to come! November 2, 2017: I had my needle biopsy. Again, the doctor and nurses were surprised that I was calm and no one came with me. I was even joking with them during the procedure. I was thinking "what is the big deal"? People get biopsies all the time and most often it turns out to be nothing. Calcifications are often nothing to worry about. After the biopsy, I went home and mostly didn't think about it until I didn't get results by November 9, as I was told I would have results by November 6.
November 9, 2017: I was going to call to get results that morning, but my OBGYN called me before I had the chance to call. He told me the news and later a nurse called to give me a referral to my current doctor, a surgical oncologist. I was in shock but I still didn't believe anything other than they would take it out in a minor procedure (I am overly idealistic until I have a reason not to be). After all, it is tiny salt-like crystals, stage 0 and non-invasive, so what more could be necessary? At this point, I had not done any research on calcifications or DCIS so I did not even know mastectomy was ever done for this cancer.
November 15, 2017: I was told by my doctor at my initial appointment that usual treatment for DCIS is lumpectomy followed by radiation and Tamoxifen for five years (a hormone blocker), for patients with positive hormone receptors (which I have). Some patients refuse radiation and Tamoxifen, so it seemed like an easy fix in my mind. I was also scheduled for a second opinion mammogram and breast MRI, which the doctor said would give him a more complete picture in order to come up with a treatment plan. This entire time, I was under the impression that I had one milk duct affected and would deny radiation and Tamoxifen, in that case, because of side effects. I went to the MRI and mammogram on November 27 and November 30, respectively.
November 30, 2017: All of my understanding of my case changed! I waited a long time to get the mammogram, then I waited another 90 minutes to see the radiologist. She told me that the original films showed three more affected areas and mentioned breast conservation. I said "wait...what? I thought there was one tiny spot. Are you talking about mastectomy"? She said, "Yes, that is the recommended treatment with so many spots, but you can talk to your doctor more about that". She said that some people go ahead and schedule the mastectomy with no further testing, given that the spots look similar enough to the original spot to assume they are also DCIS. However, if biopsied may show benign if concerned about breast conservation.
I was so floored how much changed in a matter of minutes. I couldn't care less about looks, but considering I am still nursing my son and didn't want to wean abruptly I was not quite so accepting. My plan was to have a lumpectomy and nurse on the unaffected side. I then went upstairs to my doctor and waited another hour in the waiting room and 30 minutes in the office, with may questions and concerns.
I was told that the other spots look like DCIS and if I want to consider breast conservation I can opt to biopsy another spot and see if it is DCIS or benign. I asked if he could biopsy all three. I was told that if I do need a mastectomy, it is skin and nipple sparing, so that was the good news. Also, no radiation or Tamoxifen would be needed.
December 15, 2017: I went in for my second biopsy. It was a core biopsy and AWFUL. I had two spots taken. The samples were huge dime sized sphere shaped samples and the biopsy took about an hour, awake in an uncomfortable position. The biopsy left marks about 1/16 inch by 1/2 inch rectangles, which will be scars.
December 20, 2017: I went to see my doctor to go over biopsy results and come up with a plan for surgery. I never saw my doctor, only the Nurse Practitioner because my doctor was in surgery. I was told that the biopsy came back positive for DCIS so the best option is mastectomy on the right breast. Some people opt for surgery on both sides, but it isn't necessary because there are other options for symmetry (slight lift, small implant). Insurance has to cover any and all options for both sides. I was also told the process, which seems terrible. Mastectomy surgery is only one inpatient night (I was hoping for more). Reconstruction starts immediately after mastectomy (same surgery) where saline expanders are places and filled with saline every so often until healing is complete and skin and muscle are stretched enough for reconstruction to be completed (usually 8-12 weeks). I also have to wear drain bags after surgery for up to a month and will take about six weeks to heal. I was set up to meet with the plastic surgeon January 10.
The options for surgery are:
do one side or both, with or without reconstruction (seems like a long ordeal)
with augmentation or not
do one side only with a small procedure for symmetry
The Nurse Practitioner was great and I did get a lot of questions answered, though it wasn't as helpful as I had hoped. I was hoping for a clearer best decision but only got more confused. After my appointment, my doctor sent me a text apologizing for not being able to see me and giving me some information. I was impressed. I have never had a doctor text me!
January 10, 2018: I had my pre-surgery meeting with my doctor who answered more questions regarding my specific case. I felt better about mastectomy, but still had some doubts, so I decided to get a second opinion from another top surgery oncologist. I was unable to meet with the plastic surgeon and my appointment was changed to January 12 (which was later changed to January 16, then January 17).
January 16, 2018: I met with the second opinion doctor and she answered even more questions and recommended bilateral mastectomy (both sides), but said it was my decision. This gave me more confidence that mastectomy is the only choice.
January 17, 2018: I met with the plastic surgeon and went over my options. He told me the same options I was previously given and told me if it was his wife he would recommend doing bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction, but that isn't necessary because there are other options for symmetry. I was told that it is actually three surgeries (during mastectomy, 8-12 weeks later for reconstruction completion and later for an adjustment). I will also have 2 drain bags on each side for up to a month (one is taken out after a week or two). He also told me that when I wake up from the surgery with the expanders, I won't be totally flat and "in fact will look arguably better than you do now" (with my natural breasts...gee thanks! I think they look pretty awesome, albeit small, for my age and having birthed and nursed three kids).
Surgery will be scheduled for February and I have to make a final decision about the left breast soon. I am working on weaning, which is going relatively well, but still difficult. I have had so many thoughts and feelings about this. I cannot believe that I have to go through this for several salt sized crystals. The problem is that I am so small it would be near impossible to take out all of the affected tissue with lumpectomy and get good margins and a good cosmetic result. In addition, radiation and Tamoxifen would be recommended. Tamoxifen would also be recommended if I decide to have a mastectomy on only the affected breast. It is ironic that this is happening to begin with, given I nursed my kids for over seven years collectively! Nursing is supposed to greatly reduce the incidence of breast cancer and I don't know anyone who nursed that long!
In dealing with the options, I am tired of people saying "just do both" like this is an easy decision. It isn't. However, I am leaning that way just to avoid possibly having to do this again in the future, Additionally, I can look a bit better (would go up from barely a B to a full C). I don't actually care very much about what I look like, but if I have to go through this, I might as well get something to better fit my body. I feel terrible about this too because I hate the idea of waking up with totally numb, useless breasts that have no purpose besides looking nice. It's a lot to go through to look nice. I would rather be whole and have useful breasts that have feeling in them. Anyone who thinks that early detection means simple is wrong. It is still hard and complicated, just not so much treatment is needed and it isn't life threatening (Thank God).
The most amazing thing through this whole ordeal (so far) is that I have been positive and practical most of the time. I only cried three times, so far. The first day was November 30 at the thought of weaning abruptly. Two other times I cried after appointments. Most of the time I don't think about it much and go about and enjoy my life. I'm so grateful for the simple things. All of my friends and family who know what I am going through are totally surprised by my attitude about it, so that's something.
I am still convinced that this experience will turn out, in the end, displaying more beauty than pain.
In my last post Thirteen Reasons Why I Hated This Show, I talked about why this show was not my cup of tea. Many readers may have thought "What does she know? She probably can't relate to being raped or bullied. She probably had a perfect life growing up." I am here to tell you that is not so. I had much worse happen to me on top or being raped and bullied. My ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) score was very high, yet I made it through somehow and am a well-adjusted and productive adult.
Here are my 13 reasons why it could have been me but wasn't:
Age 9-my sister and father both died suddenly within 6 months or each other.
Age 12/13-all of 7th and 8th grade my sister and I had the nickname lesbian twins.
Age 13-my mother remarried.
Age 14-witnessed stepdad being arrested for selling marijuana.
Age 14-my first sexual experience, never even been kissed, and I was raped by a boy I just met that day. The next day at school I earned the reputation of being easy, since I would sleep with someone I just met.
Age 14- earned the nickname "black and decker pecker wrecker". I made out with a much older boy and when he went to school the next day his neck was covered in hickeys. OOPS!
Age 14-I got wasted and was molested in the back seat of a car by a 7th grader.
Age 15-Black and Decker guy had sex with me at a party immediately after having sex with my friend. I didn't know at the time and actually thought I was his girlfriend. At school, I was teased about "sloppy seconds".
Age 15-got my first real boyfriend, gave him sex and blowjobs willingly only to be dumped 2 weeks before prom. He took one of my friends instead. I spent 2 weeks crying in bed. Everyone at school still thought I was slutty.
Age 15- had a one night stand with Black and Decker guy. The next day he went to school and told everyone I smelled like tuna.
Age 16-I was raped for the second time.
I witnessed drug/alcohol use in my home throughout my teens.
I was called stupid bitch almost daily throughout my teens.
This is not my whole story, just 13 things that could have pushed me over the edge but didn't. I don't know how I made it through all these events, but I do know I was not going to lay down and quit at life. I knew logically all of it was temporary and would be over when I graduated and that then I could start over. I am happy to report that I have a very happy life, 5 gorgeous kids and a great husband of 20 years!
Do you want to read my whole story? If so tell me in the comments. I just may write a memoir of my life.
